Title: So Now You Know:
Growing up Gay in India
Author: Vivek Tejuja
Publisher: HarperCollins
India
ISBN: 978-9353572693
Pages: 160
Genre: Non Fiction, Memoir
“The constant hum of the sea was the most comforting sound to
me. It gave me a lot of solace. At that time I didn’t know why I felt so good
sitting on the balcony, listening to the sounds of the sea and watching it,
awestruck at how large it was. Besides the sea, I had my books. They made me
see the world differently.”
When you talk about books, you talk about Vivek Tejuja. Believe
me, reading community owes him a lot. He reads, he reviews and recommends books
on social media. You could consider him almost a book therapist, a kind one.
When he announced his book year back, it was an excitement in
the air. I eagerly wanted to know the person who breathes books in real manner.
Vivek Tejuja’s memoir, So Now You Know contains fragments of memories;
a small gem of a book seemed to me, more like a long love letter to your
younger self.
“It was a nightmare. School was nothing but a big bullying
ground. I wonder when children realize the power of hurting? When do they turn
so brutal that they do not once stop to think of kindness, politeness and the
choices they make? Surely it’s something we only learn with age? I didn’t know
anything about anything then, and I am sure neither did my bullies”
While going through some pages, I actually felt those words
on my skin, either teasing or lack of kindness, confusions, or alienation and
that tight slap. I imagined those lonely nights when you just shut your eyes
and think about a parallel world with some hope, where broken friendships don’t
exist, where feeling of being left alone doesn’t scare you much, bullying is
mere word and your loved ones accept you the way you are.
Vivek Tejuja has written about growing up gay in 90’s. Author
brings back that nostalgic phase when social media was not a part of our routine,
when people actually meet and hold hands, when libraries would seem our second
home, when we wait for hours just to check random mail, dial-up connection, of
course, Playing music on cassettes and catching movies in proper theatre.
“I was ashamed of myself; not because of who I was or what
they said about me, but because I could not stand up to them. I could not stand
up for myself”
This book documents the author’s life into various phases, not
in chronological manner though, Author writes about societal rejection and how
it leads him to guilt, and the battle you fought inside all your whole life.
It is a poignant, yet light-hearted tale. Prose is raw and
beautiful, like some old buddy disclosing his life in front of you. And you
just want to listen to him, bit by bit, and uninterruptedly.
“One incident is all it takes for you to not confide in your loved
ones. You think they will not be able to understand what you are going through,
and maybe you’re right. Parents are supposed to be there for you, at every step
of the way, but when you realize you might be remotely different, is anyone
really there for you?”
When Vivek Tejuja narrates his friendships, I found him
powerful, he is so comfortable to share his intimate life to the world and that
sense of vulnerability makes him a wonderful writer.
I do accept, some sequences can be tough read, there was sadness
but not a single sign of self-pitying. Vivek writes about unimaginable
treatment by his close friends, even with great sensitivity.
On the one hand, you write a show about women’s empowerment
while on the other; you are busy encouraging stereotypes when it comes to a gay
man, down to even gestures and expressions
Vivek Tejuja’s memoir asks many questions to the society, need to be answered. Yes, I missed something in this book, his short notes, and experiences
with particular book, hope he will consider writing his next book soon.
Some highlighted Parts from Vivek’s Memoir
“What is an eighteen-year-old to do without friends? How does
he manage living day to day? Who does he speak to? Who does he confide in? What
happens then? Though I always had my books to fall back on, there were times
when all I wanted was a friend who would hear me out – and no one was around”
“I wanted my sky, my moon, my countless stars, twinkling
just for me. And when I did not get them, I took the simple route: by building
a fortress around my heart. For most of the time”
“Gay or straight or bisexual or transgender or being anyone
remotely different doesn’t matter – because you know what, we are all
struggling, no matter what. It took me a long time to understand that about
people. We all fight our own battles. Some show it to the world and some hide
them. Why then is there this lack of empathy?”
“Being gay is not about losing your identity or changing who
you already are. Most people think it is all about the drama, the diva-ness,
the blasé approach and attitude to almost everything in life, which is not
true. There are more aspects and, moreover, maybe I should not use the term
‘being gay’ – as it’s not something you become, it is a part of you and yet not
what you are all about.”
“Loneliness
makes you want things you never thought you’d want from life. Love being one of
them”
About the Author
VivekTejuja has worked with books at Flipkart and now at Verve magazine, and writes
regularly on books and the experience of reading, notably on his blog, TheHungry Reader.
